Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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