he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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