stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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