yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
