she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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