Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
