I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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