Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
