I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
