Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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