I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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