The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
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Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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