his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i love accidental penises.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
