if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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