Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
