I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
