I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
