"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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