Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
