literally had 100 drinks last night.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
this hospital has no fireball
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
