Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
birth control should be required to get into college
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
