i don't like sucking hair
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
