they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
