Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The uberlube is also flammable
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
