these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
