whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
