Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
