this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
