I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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