Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
