Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
