Sponge bath it is.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
