it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
