I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
