it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
