you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
