Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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