I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
