oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
