My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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