It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
