He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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