Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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