do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
