if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just found puke in my bra..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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