a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow