I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...