i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.