are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
