You made me cry and you don't even care
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me