is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
