Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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