erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
