Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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