she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
