Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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