I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
