brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
