I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
