what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
