the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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