I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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