3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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