I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
