why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
