Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
