I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
this just has baby written all over it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize