His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
