Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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