Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
