Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
