Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
