I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
