I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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