he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
3pm strippers are depressing
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
