Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
