A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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