you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
