I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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