I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
