I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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