Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
