So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
